Forbidden Love

firepixie04 @ 2005-11-11T10:45:00

2005-11-11T15:46:01Z

I have been trying to sign up for British Lit Since 1660 since last semester, and everytime I try to sign up for it, it shows it isn't available! I need to take this class! HELP!

~Nicole

Fuck you, you son of a bitch!

2005-09-15T02:01:54Z

Everyone, visit livejournal.com/users/dragonddt !

You will find there a picture of Ivan with the whore he cheated on me with at the recent Foo Fighters concert. I guess while he was making me feel like shit about breaking up with him, he went and fucked her brains out at that concert. Well, guess what? You can't have your cake and eat it too, Ivan. Thank you for confirming the reason why I broke up with you.

Get the point....

2005-09-07T18:50:44Z

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
G

Don't play the fucking victim anymore....

2005-09-05T22:20:39Z

After all you put me through
You`d think I despise you
But in the end, I wanna thank you
`Cause you make me that much stronger

When I, thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
I guess I, I couldn`t trust
Called your bluff, time is up
`Cause I`ve had enough
You were, there by my side
Always down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
`Cause your greed sold me out of shame

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, oh no, you`re wrong
`Cause if it wasn`t for all that you tried to do
I wouldn`t know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

`Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming
All of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard you`re going round
Playing the victim now
But don`t even begin
Feeling I`m the one to blame
`Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won`t work anymore
No more, oh no, it`s over
`Cause if it wasn`t for all of your torture
I wouldn`t know how to be this way now
And never back down
So I wanna say thank you

`Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust, so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you`ll see
You won`t stop me

I am a fighter and I
I ain`t goin` stop
There is no turning back
I`ve had enough

`Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget
But I remember
I remember
I`ll remember, I`ll remember

Thought I would forget
But I remember
I remember
I`ll remember, I`ll remember

`Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Fill this out, please!

2005-07-14T19:19:30Z

Fill in the blanks on what you think and then reply back then replace your name and post it to see what people say about you.

1. I _____ Nicole.

2. I want to _____ Nicole.

3. Nicole is _____.

4. Nicole and I are _____.

5. If I was alone in a room with Nicole we would probably _____.

6. Nicole could _____.

7. Nicole should _____.

8. Nicole reminds me of ______.

9. If Nicole were an animal, she would be a ______.

10. One day, Nicole & I will _______.

firepixie04 @ 2005-07-10T17:17:00

2005-07-10T21:18:39Z

This is just to let everyone know that my Alonzo Mourning article came out in today's Miami Herald in the Neighbors section!

Whew.

2005-07-03T17:36:27Z

I spent the whole night writing that Alonzo Mourning article. I put my very best into it. And if this really does become the cover story, then having a total of zero hours worth of sleep was worth it.

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that I wrote this on five hours worth of sleep from the other night, as well as my vomiting through my nose again and developing a rash on my face. That never helps.

OMG!

2005-07-02T18:19:53Z

I got to shake hands with Alonzo Mourning! Twice!

I sat next to him and interviewed him one on one!

I got a personalized autograph from Zo!

Ivan took a picture of me sitting next to him!

I told him I was a fan since I was about ten (which is true, believe it or not)

I shall scan the autograph and the pic soon!

PLEASE READ THIS!

2005-06-29T02:51:42Z

Okay, before we play this game, I want you to promise me two things....

1. That you will actually read this.
2. That once you have an answer, to post your answer as a comment.

I will provide the answer to this riddle in my next entry.

Okay, GO!

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

AH WAAAAAANT IT!

2005-06-10T02:13:32Z

#1: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=2476&item=5980019416&rd=1

#2: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=50263&item=5979801536&rd=1

If I don't quit checking for Star Wars stuff on eBay, I am going to go insane with the amount of stuff I want.

WHEE!

2005-06-05T18:31:29Z

I AM GETTING THE PADME DOLL!

MY MAMA BOUGHT ME THE PADME DOLL!

SHE'S COMING IN THE MAIL!

I AM SO HAPPY!

WHEE!

I wish I was rich

2005-06-05T17:34:32Z

I have been collecting Star Wars dolls ever since the new trilogy began. I have three different Queen Amidala dolls, and a few Episode II dolls (Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and a Clone Trooper).

When Episode II came out, I searched every fucking Wal-Mart, Kay Bee Toys, or Toys R Us for either an Anakin or Padme doll. Of course, they were sold out everywhere. Finally, I beg my mom to let me order online one of the two dolls. I choose Anakin.

Now, Anakin is proudly standing in my bookcase to this day, but I made a huge mistake. I should have ordered Padme.

Why, you ask?

Because apparently they made more Anakins than Padmes.

So I should just wait until Hasbro makes the Episode III Padme dolls, right?

Wrong. I perused Hasbro.com for hours. Not even in the "Coming Soon" section are they even advertising a Padme doll. They might not make one for Episode III.

But I can always go online and buy the Episode II Padme, right? Well, right now she's going for about $35 online. Not including shipping and handling. And Anakin? He's going for fucking $20 on eBay.

I spent about $28 bucks on the fucking Anakin. Including shipping and handling. He's not worth SHIT.

I really, really, REALLY want Padme, but my mom would kill me if I bought her. I'm supposed to be saving my money for college tuition.

So I'll just mope. Yes, moping is good.

Whee!

2005-05-03T12:54:32Z

Ivan wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me that my grades for the Spring Term have been posted. I was so happy to hear what I got, but I just finished checking my grades for myself. I had to know that it wasn't too good to be true. So here they are....

-Evolution of Jazz: Not Posted
-Myth, Ritual, and Mysticism: A
-Intro. to Anthropology: B+
-First Year Experience: A
-West Civ./Modern Euro.: B

Not too shabby for a girl who thought she was going to flunk out of college because she wasn't good enough....

:-)

2005-04-13T00:38:25Z

firepixie04 @ 2005-02-28T03:40:00

2005-02-28T08:41:20Z

New layout! Check it out x5.

Thanks to Dita, of course. :-D

firepixie04 @ 2005-02-24T18:58:00

2005-02-24T23:58:41Z

I you, Ivan!

Teehee

2005-02-17T00:54:38Z

All I really want: A Valentine's Day Special

2005-02-08T06:12:55Z

To go with the theme of Valentine's Day, I am going to put up a list of things I wish would be done to me by a significant other. Everyone should follow my lead and write their own list on their journals.

All I really want is...

-To be tucked in at night
-To be given roses "just because"
-To be kissed a million times on the cheek
-To be given gag gifts
-To be given a Homsar shirt.
-To have a guy still tell me I'm beautiful, even if I am still in my PJ's.
-To go to a basball game and get caught on screen kissing my love
-To have someone help me into my PJ's.
-To go on a picnic in the park.
-To go on a Disney World trip and get pictures taken with all the cool Disney characters.
-To have a guy wait until I fall asleep to leave
-To have a guy spend the night and sleep in his undies.
-For a guy to have a bubble bath waiting for me with candles and rose petals.
-For a guy to slowly kiss me all over until I go insane with pleasure.

Men, this is what women want for the most part. Wilbert, you better be taking notes!

My fears

2004-12-16T18:34:37Z

I am afraid...

I will fail my classes
I won't finish college
I'll hate FIU as much as I hated UF
I will become so sick I'll have to go on disability
My medications will stop working
I will get sick again
I'll die alone

These are very scary fears, aren't they?

firepixie04 @ 2004-11-27T16:48:00

2004-11-27T21:49:07Z

Friends Only

firepixie04 @ 2004-11-24T16:31:00

2004-11-24T21:38:50Z

For the past two months, I have had trouble falling asleep, if I can sleep at all. It's my medication's fault, Geodon.

It wasn't so bad at first. It would take me about an hour to fall asleep every few days. I started taking Benadryl to fall asleep. Soon, I grew a tolerance for it, and it stopped working.

Then, I would not sleep at all. I started taking Ambien, a sleeping pill, to fall asleep. It would knock me out fast. But soon I also grew a tolerance for them, and they stopped working.

I'm also growing very angry.

I talked to my psychiatrist today, and he gave me one solution to both of my problems:

Take one Seroquel pill at night.

Seroquel was the stuff I took when I was shaking and not able to sleep when I was withdrawing from Depakote and Lamictal. Seroquel was the stuff that knocked me out for the next 12 hours. Seroquel is what made me not remember half of Preview at UF. Seroquel is what my aunt is addicted to.

I don't want to become addicted to perscription pills. I don't want to not remember half of what went on during the course of a day. But it seems that I have no choice. I've already tried three different medications for my bipolar, and I don't have many options left. The market for bipolar medication seems to be very narrow.

At least I have about a month to adjust to this new medication. It was a good thing I gave my two weeks notice this week.

I just feel so helpless. Like a prisoner in my own body and mind.

Somebody help me. I'm so frustrated and scared.

Aw-wiiiiiiiiight!

2004-11-22T21:15:12Z

Which Homestar Runner character are you?

this quiz was made by jurjyfrort

firepixie04 @ 2004-11-15T19:11:00

2004-11-16T00:28:30Z

Ivan said something to me this weekend that really hit home. He said I'm "miserable all the time".

You know what, he's right.

For the past five months, I have been miserable. I was miserable at UF, and now I'm miserable at my job. I hate my job. I don't know how many more times I can say that without it getting annoying.

And I still resent the fact that I have to go to FIU, and I didn't get into my dream school. I don't want anyone to comment on my journal and telling me "FIU is not so bad." Because I think it is. Nothing will convince me to think otherwise.

I also hate that I am trapped in this ordinary neighborhood filled with ordinary people who have two kids, a 4-bedroom house, and a 9-5 job, and are content with their lives.

I can't live that way. I refuse. I'd rather die before I get stuck with that fate. I've already started fufilling that fate with my horribly boring 9-5 job, and I'm dying inside.

I hate everything around me, and everything about my life. I don't want to live anymore.

I started to sulk and cry last night, and I decided I would make my life less miserable and quit in two weeks. I figured that I would have two more paychecks, and could easily finish paying off Ivan's ring.

But then I was hit again by another epiphany.

Why am I damning myself to FIU? Why am I not reaching for my dream, UM? Because my mom and boyfriend convinced me that it's too expensive and not worth it? I don't give a fuck.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

I want to go to UM. I want to study where the people are a little more than your average Joe. I want my education to be something special. I want to be proud of where I'm attending college.

I want to hold up my diploma and happily say "I went where I wanted to go. I went to UM".

I have a renewed sense of determination. I've decided I'll stay at FIU for a semester, maybe even only for the Spring, and I'm going to get great grades and haul my ass to UM. I don't care if I have to pay loans to go. I'll take out loans. I'll work everyday for the next three years to pay off my tuition.

I'm going to stay at my job unitl mid-December and sent all of my paychecks straight to the bank to save for UM.

No excuses, no giving up, I'm pulling out all of the stops.

EXPECT ME AT UM NEXT YEAR.

As for right now, I'm going to start going back to therapy. I talked to my psychiatrist, and he's going to keep me on the sleeping pills for awhile and then slowly wean me off of them so I can start sleeping on my own again.

I'm going to escape this town and go to Virginia.

I'm going to make it a point to hang out with my friends every other weekend.

My problems can be fixed. I'm going to fix them.

I'm going to be happy again. Fuck.

Attention, everyone

2004-11-15T17:25:33Z

A very important entry with an announcement will be posted at 5:30 p.m. this evening.

Just thought I'd let you all know.

My weekend

2004-11-14T23:57:24Z

Friday:

-Went with Ivan to Reno's pizza for lunch.
-Ivan spent the rest of the day at work with me.
-Went to dinner at a Chinese buffet with Ivan and his friend, Robbie.
-Watched The Punisher at Robbie's house.

Saturday:

-Went to the mall with Jeff.
-Bought a Star Wars calendar.
-Bought a Hello Kitty shirt.
-Went to dinner with Ivan at the Beverly Hills cafe.
-Saw The Incredibles with Ivan.

Sunday:

-Went to the mall with my mom and brother.
-Bought a pair of shoes from Steve Madden.

Also, I have been taking sleeping pills everynight for the past four nights. Sleeping pills are so addictive, and paying for four different kinds of medications every month is getting really expensive. I'm going to have to talk to my psychiatrist again.

Ivan and I are going to go with Robbie to Virginia after December 15th. I'd rather go to New Orleans, but this is still a place I have never been to, so it should be fun.

And once again, this weekend has gone by too fast. Sigh.